The Sub-Cranial Cavern

New Location

2008-05-19T12:37:00.002-04:00

From now on I'll be posting to Receiving Me?. I thought that I might continue to maintain this page, but that is not the case. I urge everyone interested in what I have to say to go to the new location. There are a few reasons for this. Receiving Me? features more writers writing about more stuff, so there should be something new everyday. Receiving Me? is also a much better looking page

Pod of Cops on Segways

2008-04-27T08:23:00.004-04:00

We all remember the video of Commissar Bush attempting to mount a Segway under the careful tutelage of his father. Oh how we laughed, “look, a wealthy and important individual is attempting to ride that silly electrical contrivance, only he’s forgotten to turn it on. Witness, even the mighty may be humbled. Ha.” Well I can assure I was not laughing this past week when my horrified eyes witnessed

2008-03-21T18:23:00.002-04:00

Obama's speech < /span>

Why I'm Voting for Barack Obama

2008-03-19T20:29:00.003-04:00

This week I saw something that I thought I would never see. A national politician got hit with controversy, and rather than run from it or prevaricate, he addressed it. By now those of you who follow politics will certainly have heard, or heard of the remarks that Mr. Obama’s minister, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright made and the vitriol and backlash that followed them. Most people running for

You Can Do It

2008-03-19T20:26:00.003-04:00

Sometimes life calls for a bit of indulgence. Just some small treat that makes living worthwhile, a little nubbin of joy, a small self granted reward for another successfully completed day on this earth. Your boss may not appreciate you, the opposite sex may think you are dangerous and disgusting, and maybe your favorite bartender will call the cops if he ever sees you again (you know what you

The latest from Smith & Hawken

2008-03-17T14:27:00.008-04:00

I like a really sharp knife. The model I favor at the moment is an ancient black blade. The history of this knife is fraught with legend. A team of highly trained blind geishas smelted and hand purified the iron ore of an asteroid hurled to the earth by an angry Jimmy Page. The pig iron was then carried overland by seven hard working dwarves to a crater atop an active volcano where mute

Poll Resuts

2008-03-16T13:03:00.006-04:00

The latest poll results are in and the results are conclusive. 40% of Cavernites are hoping for more pictures, another 40% are looking for content, and the rest would appreciate some decent writing. There's not much that can be done about the writing, these monkeys are only half trained, but I have added a fiction and reviews section to the cavern that will hopefully deal with the content

The Beard of Protest

2008-03-14T17:02:00.006-04:00

Today I woke up and I noticed that my face had, of its own volition, sprouted whiskers. I cast my mind back on the preceding days, trying to find what thing could have driven my face to this drastic action. Perhaps it misses my ritual “shaving” and thusly has sprung this unsightly ginger growth to voice its objection. Those things that drive a face remain mysterious to me and so I must rely on

Stay Hydrated

2008-03-13T17:15:00.001-04:00

Why does the water in Philadelphia taste so damn good? It’s the drugs. It’s recently been reported that there are trace amounts of 56 pharmaceuticals in our water. An insider told me that the number is actually closer to 15, that they tested for 56 and a PR guy screwed the pooch in the press release. Still, either number is enough to make give us the official top score for stuff that isn’t

The Method of Van Damme

2008-03-11T08:51:00.005-04:00

Anyone who is interested in acting or Van Damme would do well to follow this link. Here's a taste."No. The only thing different between Alex and Chad was the silk underwear. Mr. California, Mr. Silk Underwear. It was kinda funny." JCVD on his dual roles in Double Impact.

Further Meditations

2008-03-10T22:09:00.011-04:00

The time has come dear reader, for me to once again tread delicately along the razor’s edge that separates madness from stupidity. Dedicated Cavernites will recall that when I last swam these troubled waters I got a cramp and ended up floundering around in panicked circles, leaving in my frothing wake a hail of words that, for all their ferocity and velocity, amounted to naught but so much hot

My Own Personal Moon Landing

2008-03-10T16:22:00.006-04:00

I did it. It’s been three days since I’ve showered but I did it. At two fifty-seven this afternoon I walked all the way up my driveway and out in to the wilds of my cul-de-sac. Brisk pre-breakfast walk accomplished! What changed? I can’t say for sure. Maybe it was my dream in which I cut an evil chef into shreds with my hand-forged sword. No, I think that was just too much late night food

Pardon our dust

2008-03-09T12:52:00.005-04:00

The Cavern has been undergoing extensive renovations in the last few hours. Most of the damage should be behind us, but a few votes in this weeks poll were lost. Go ahead and vote again, or don't. Whatever you want. Look this isn't a big deal honest. Fine, I'm sorry I even brought it up, sheesh.

Good News for Interrogators

2008-03-08T19:49:00.005-05:00

President Bush continues to protect our sacred duty to torture terror suspects. Somebody should tell him that "24" is not a documentary (rim-shot.) I'm pretty sure that I stole that joke from somebody, can't remember who though.Link is to the NY Times.

Leslie the Elder Addresses the Hive Mind

2008-03-07T17:09:00.003-05:00

Greetings drone and greetings to your great collective, particularly to your Queen, may her egg pouch never run empty. So you have come at last to speak with Les the Elder, but what can this ancient tell that a million minds in concert do not already know? Ah, well that is indeed an old story. To tell it I must once again turn my mind to the time of my youth, the chaos age, known to some as

Poll Resuts

2008-03-07T12:48:00.006-05:00

Last weeks poll results are in. 75% of readers are forced to read by crippling social anxiety disorders while 25% are reading The Cavern to keep themselves from writing The Cavern. Interested in reaching these key demographics? The Sub-Cranial Cavern has many exciting advertising packages. Contact us through the comments section

The Doors

2008-03-06T18:14:00.005-05:00

I think that most of us can agree that listening to other people talk about their dreams can be pretty boring. I would be the first to say that I’m not interested in your particular phantasms, I don’t care if you were having sex in front of your gym class, wading knee deep through a sea of kittens and grape jelly, or eating a talking pastry it’s just not going to be that interesting to me.

The Hours

2008-03-05T18:35:00.003-05:00

Every day before breakfast I aim to take a brisk walk around my parent's neighborhood. I read, or more likely saw on TV, that a brisk pre-breakfast walk helps to foster a positive mood. For a few days now I have tried this ritual, but haven't gotten past my driveway, which I should note is an improvement on peering out the side door yesterday. What stops me? The weather. I always like to blame

Still more new blood

2008-03-05T18:09:00.006-05:00

We've added a new writer to the humble confines of The Sub-Cranial Cavern. To those keeping score at home that brings the Cranial staff to two real and two imaginary. He'll be writing under the nom de plume "Pates Baroni" because he has "warrants." I'm not sure what he means by "warrants," but it's apparently something like being in the A-team, only no van. Pates Baroni will be a regular

New Blood

2008-03-04T17:21:00.003-05:00

A torrid sexual scandal, which we are legally constrained from describing, has resulted in the loss of two longtime staff members. Ivenko 20 and Tina Sanders had been the The Sub-Cranial Cavern since the beginning and they will be missed, but we feel confident that Bag O'Hammers and Rye Buttle will be able to fill their shoes admirably. Bag O'Hammers is a bag of hammers with many years

Our First Promotional Swag

2008-03-03T19:28:00.004-05:00

I was returning to my editorial lair after the successful procurement of office supplies, 6 lbs PBR and 2 lbs green bananas, when something magical happened. I was given a little gift in the hopes that it might make me more favorably inclined, or at least aware, of a coming attraction. Namely “Dr. Dolittle: Tail to the Chief” which is available on DVD starting tomorrow if this pin is to be

Sometimes a Great Notion

2008-03-03T16:18:00.009-05:00

Recently I discovered what appears to be the nascent plans for a musical entitled "Gone Blogin’." The find has generated much excitement here at the offices of The Sub-Cranial Cavern, mostly due to its mysterious origins, it was in my pocket, and its physical nature, it is a cocktail napkin. The artifact was immediately turned over to our archeological desk were it was declared indecipherable.

Why Can't Countries Play Nice

2008-03-03T13:33:00.004-05:00

From the "who knew?" desk: Colombia, Venezuela, and Ecuador suddenly hate each other.

An Apology to the Reader(s)

2008-03-02T19:38:00.010-05:00

The more I work in this format the more I, like a muscle car in a snowstorm, seem to be sliding out of control. Before I entered into the blogosphear I used to laugh at the stories of sentences run amuck, the clauses piling upon one another like a baby-oil wrestling match until all that is left is a slick writhing mass with no clear beginning or end. That laughter has turned to bitter tears, for

The more things change

2008-02-28T22:09:00.006-05:00

the more they stay the same.Links to the New Yorker, also the article is a bit long.

Viva La Apocalypse

2008-02-28T18:50:00.006-05:00

As Homo sapiens we tend to identify ourselves with the tools we use. Our earliest ancestors chipped flint and so we call it the Stone Age. Later, mankind learned the smelting of ore and so the Bronze and Iron Ages were born. Man’s understanding of tools continued to evolve and deepen and so came the industrial revolution and with it unprecedented wealth and terrifying poverty. Now we live in

Meditations on the Nature of Our Existence

2008-02-27T18:43:00.004-05:00

You may want to skip on down to one of the, ahem, “entertaining” entries because in this post I’ll be dealing with thoughts and concepts that hopscotch along the border of my conscious and unconscious mind. Philosophy is a slippery creature. You have this thought about truth, beauty, the divine, life’s purpose, and whatever else; but you can’t communicate it, because it’s a pure abstraction, it

Time to reevaluate

2008-02-26T23:08:00.001-05:00

An actual train of thought lifted directly from my cortex earlier tonight.Hmm I’m hungry, but dinner won’t be done for another half an hour. These bananas are too green eat. I know I’ll have a beer, that’s a healthful pre-dinner snack. That beer was cold and delicious, but dinners not ready yet. These bananas are too green to eat. I know, I’ll have a beer, that’s a healthful pre-dinner snack

Comments

2008-02-26T17:33:00.001-05:00

I've gone through the settings and it should now be possible for anyone to add a comment, not just those with google accounts as was the case before.

For His Eye is on the Sparrow

2008-02-26T17:29:00.001-05:00

I was coming home from Germantown the other day and I saw an abandoned car. It was a rusty brown Buick LeSabre with the hood propped and three blocks for every one wheel, which is not the ratio recommended by Buick. It’s not unusual to see a cannibalized car in Germantown but this particular car has been lodged in my head. Partly because it had been abandoned in an intersection on the main

Leslie the Elder Gives of His Wisdom

2008-02-25T17:30:00.001-05:00

Gather round children and listen to an ancient tale of dark days and darker deeds. I speak of the time before the Green Queen selected her first drones and formed the benevolent and all-knowing hive mind. Go back even further to the days before the retreat of the great ice and the formation of the Amniotic Sea, before even the mighty orca learned to hunt the land. Yes children I speak of the

So It Begins

2008-02-25T17:24:00.001-05:00

When you start a blog you have to ask yourself “why?” What is the goal, the editorial prerogative that you hope to achieve? In my case the answer is simple. I need a place where I can get my “Babylon 5” erotica to the people. Now, if you’re wondering where to find the “Babylon 5” erotica here is what I would like you to do. Take the laptop off your chest and get out of bed. Put on some